If you were lucky you saw my post last week about the Risk show and Storytelling and facing you fears and being open to sharing your story with the world.
If you were lucky.
You saw my live performance about the last 5 years of my life. Where I talked about the lost of self respect and my eating disorder.
If you were unlucky you saw that I took it down 3 hours later.
And you are perhaps wondering why.
If you are friends with me on facebook. I hinted at it but..... here's a better explanation.
I was a video blogger for 3 years.
I was 20 years old when I started. I was innocent.
In those 3 years I gained self confidence, learned how to make friends and created a tiny community of people who enjoyed my advice about attending art school.
In those 3 years I was stalked online by many men.
Given photos of penises that I didn't want.
And was given just enough out of line comments to make me run away from videoblogging.
I told everyone I knew that I wanted my art to speak for itself. I didn't need to be a talking head. People should appreciate my ideas through my art.
That was a truth. I like the idea of art being the focus and not a create "persona" image for people to grab on to. I am not a product sort of thing.
But it was also a lie.
I gave up on speaking out.
Because I was afraid.
Because as a woman it's been beaten in my head to be afraid.
To be afraid of everyone.
Because rape. judgement. Family judgement. reputation judgement. etc etc.
I agree with understanding and explaining the risks of rape to everyone.
What I thought that I no longer agreed with was silencing women and making us feel afraid of the world.
And 5 years went by.
And I preformed my story. I thought I got my strength back.
And then I got a comment.
From someone I didn't know. And it was out of line.
And I was once again that afraid 20 year old who just wanted to help people.
So I deleted everything and ran.
It was wrong.
What I had been taught. Cover up. fear men. Don't speak out. You will be raped.
That thinking goes against my story. About self respect and strength.
To the Commenters and the "lessons" drilled in my head.
I am not afraid of you.
Here is my story. Watch and share it to as many people as you want. I will no longer cover up my words.
Thank you for listening.
It is only my perspective take away from my story however you wish.
If you are a creeper creep.
Use it to master-bate.
I am no longer afraid.
I now return to my animated short and my life ahead of me.